About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
