Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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