i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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