Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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