yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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