I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
