i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was confusing and full of hummus
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
