Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
