last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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