i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize