I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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