After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
