I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm like, not good at living.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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