Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
