i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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