Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
