...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
