remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
