from now on my penis is your penis
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
