I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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