We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
