Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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