Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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