Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
