You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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