what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
