I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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