I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
