There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
