so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
