So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize