Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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