i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
