I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
