Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
