Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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