Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh god it's open bar.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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