you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
