i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
