You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
