Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
