when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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