we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
