I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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