He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
