My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm getting married
To pizza
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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