I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
