my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
