dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
