Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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