I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
