Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
