Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
