and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
