guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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