3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
