yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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