If that was your dad, he is hot
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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