It's just like the Real World with babies
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
