Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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