You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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