and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
