if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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