There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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