all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
