Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
