I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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