Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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