Michael Bay diarrhea
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
